Questions on enlightenment

Today's stimulus for my thoughts: what drives people? I am well aware the inevitability of suffering and the need to embrace it. I am aware that we must be consciously suffering, as suffering is inevitable, to achieve the goals we desire.

There has been many angles to this topic. Purposeful or conscious suffering for one's goal may be considered selfish and egocentric, particularly if your goal is all about you. You want to come first in something? You want to achieve that? You want to achieve this? Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone though. I found an interesting correlation between 'drive' amongst people whether it be for themselves or for something beyond themselves is this sense of duty. Being duty bound seems to increasingly be a foreign concept.

Throughout history and society, many people were duty bound to their family, to their state, to their faith: concepts beyond themselves. These days, people may feel some sense of duty to themselves, to not cheat themselves, to be the best version of themselves. We speak a lot about how Western civilisation is becoming increasingly about the self, individualisation and normalising this. We even talk about being in control of our own minds, to discipline ourselves and not to give into 'mere' feelings. But there is a strong magnetic force, irresistible: this sense of duty to contribute to the world. I believe it is within humankind, a deep instinct interwoven deep within our biology. Humans are meant to be one species, united.

The older we get, we become less accountable. As a child, we were held accountable by our parents, by teachers, by peers, by authority. As we get older, we realise how much 'freedom' we have in whatever context. We are free to think how we will, even in the greatest of limitations and oppression. As adults, we may feel duty bound or accountable to stay in our jobs and provide. We may feel duty bound to do a certain minimum of 'good' day to day. But we do not feel alive in these moments. Feeling alive and feeling 'pleased' is very different. Feeling alive is a strong sense of purpose and commitment to your duty bestowed upon yourself and a relentless pursuit to fulfill it: a mission. What is our mission today? It must not be as simple as "being the best version of ourselves." What does this mean? I believe the answers lie in what we feel obligated to do, a strong sense of duty and purpose.

This brings me to my second stimuli, during my yoga class. My instructor recently did Vipassana which in short, was a 10 day practice abstaining from many actions we do day to day, including any phone use (phones were locked away before the practice, till after the 10 days). She spoke about her experiences, in summary:

- Equanimous (absolute calmness and composure)

- Seeing reality for what it is, not how you want to

- Impermanence of everything (not in a high school breakup kind of way... This is quite complex)

- The 'riddance' of suffering as enlightenment by no longer perceiving suffering as something 'bad'

- Absolute self-awareness on a mind, body and spiritual front

This whole conversation brought vibrations to my whole body. I do believe suffering is inevitable. I do believe suffering must be embraced as I write about often. However, where she said 'suffering is avoidable because suffering is only a reaction coming from the inside of you," got me confused. Part of me agrees, suffering is a reaction perhaps on a day to day basis. You are in traffic, you choose to feel frustrated, you choose to suffer yourself through your reaction. You miss your flight to your holiday for whatever reason and you feel upset due to the build up of excitement. That's your choice to choose to feel those emotions, thereby suffering. She elaborated saying that suffering is there because there is aversion or craving. Without either, there is no suffering. It made me think the cynical thought, what about food? After some time, we crave food or water. We cannot avoid that. How does this method of thinking prevent this form of suffering which hinges on basic survival needs?

While that question remained answered, a difficult one for sure, it made me re-evaluate my understanding of suffering.

- Suffering is inevitable, therefore we must view it more positively

- Through embracing suffering more as a benefactor rather than an oppressor, our capacity and tolerance to suffering increases

- As we get more and more desensitised to suffering itself and treat it neutrally, we won't even need to "try to view it positively", it just is another part of life

- An aside occurs: If we are numb to everything, where is the enjoyment of life? Is this a process of becoming more egocentric as we become neutral, impartial observers of life while our fellow humankind still 'suffer', unbeknownst to this way of life?

- Maybe in simpler terms, this process is just the elimination of ego and the reclamation of the soul, and aiding our fellow humankind to achieve the similar without evangelising

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I write this a day later to the above with some extra thought.

Enlightenment is the “end” to suffering. I put it in quotations as we know there is no real end to suffering but more so how we perceive it. Again with my previous post, I don’t mean to disservice life or death issues like starvation and homelessness. In my previous journal, I was unsure about the duality of enlightenment. After training yesterday, my friends and I did our usual cold pool and sauna routine (your circle is so important, don’t forget that), they helped me through discourse, to understand that enlightenment is peace. Peace is neutral, whether good or bad occurs, peace and enlightenment should be seen as complimentary.

It’s interesting as time invested into thoughts and critically analysing can give all sorts of doubt. That is human nature, coupled with social conditioning. Surface level enlightenment and fulfilment can be misunderstood easily. I see it often with those in a ‘coaching and helping’ role. They feel a strong sense of meaning which may be masked by an intrinsic deficiency in self-confidence and identity. Some people assist others and feel good ultimately because they feel like they are in a better place than those they are helping. This sounds cynical and sadistic but awareness of the fact helps spur and catalyse more authentic genuinity to help. Be self aware.

Definitely a work in progress...